


Winterdance

by chasing_the_wild_dream



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: A bit of humour, Angst, Dogs, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Regina has no clue what she signed up for, Romance, Slow Burn, swanqueen - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-17 18:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13664646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasing_the_wild_dream/pseuds/chasing_the_wild_dream
Summary: Regina is a beautiful, wealthy and successful lawyer. She's also lonely and secretly longing for a little bit of love in her life.When she crosses paths with the intriguing Emma Swan she has no idea that the mysterious blonde will turn her world upside down.When it finally dawns on her what she's signed up for she'll realize that sometimes love alone is not enough.Is that the end of it or is it only the beginning of an adventure Regina would have never imagined?





	1. A little bit of love

**Author's Note:**

> _A/N: Hello everyone,_
> 
> _I'm back with a new AU story after a bit of a, much needed, break._  
>  _I've written it some time ago, but haven't felt like sharing before now because that story is very dear to me in_ _its own right._  
>  _It's already finished, I only have to transcribe the chapters, so you can expect regular updates (maybe not_ _every day because I'm going on vacation, but every other day for sure)._
> 
>  _For everyone buckling up for this journey, be aware that it's going to be a wild ride._  
>  _Enjoy! xo_  
>  \-------------
> 
>  **I want to dedicate this story to those closest and dearest to me – _MY DOGS._**  
>  **They are the inspiration for this story, my most loyal companions and my best friends.**  
>  **Furthermore, this story is dedicated to all the dogs of the North and their remarkable achievements** **throughout history.**
> 
>  **I know some of you might think me crazy, but my dogs are everything to me. My priority in life is to make** **them happy and to be the person they think me to be.**
> 
>  **Most of all I want to dedicate this story to my boy _SHACHAR_ , who came into my life during one of** the **most difficult times of my life.**  
>  **He came to me as a puppy in dire need of rescuing and I like to think that I did do that for him. I came to his** **rescue as much as he came to mine, no matter how cliché it sounds. He saved me, mostly from myself and** **my own demons, and we formed a bond like no other.**  
>  **He helped me heal in ways I never thought possible and everything I am today I owe to him.**  
>  **He is my heart and there will never come a day where I won't need him.**
> 
>  ** _TO MY FOUR MONSTERS_ : I'm so proud of each and every one of you and I feel incredibly honoured** **that I get to share my life and all its adventures with you.**  
>  **Thank you for your unconditional love, loyalty and trust.**  
>  **You are my life and I'll do everything in my power to keep you happy and safe for the rest of your, hopefully** **long, lives.**  
>  **I love you with everything that I am.**  
>  ** _Always._**

**R** egina Mills stared at her reflection in the mirror and nodded in satisfaction.  
She looked sharp and dangerous in her new black power suit and burgundy button-down shirt. Her black heels gave her the extra height she needed to look intimidating and her make up was flawless after years of practice. It felt like putting on an armour every morning and she enjoyed every second of it.  
She wasn't one of the best lawyers in the city for nothing. She was a force to be reckoned with and she certainly liked to look the part as well.

A moment later the doors of the elevator leading straight into her penthouse opened with a _ding_.  
She grabbed her purse and left her spacious top floor residence, ready for another day.

Once in the garage she got into her black Mercedes convertible, put on her sunglasses and drove right out into the San Francisco sun.

Traffic was a nightmare as usual, but Regina couldn't be bothered for once.  
Her father would be flying in later today for a charity event and she was so excited to see him that nothing could ruin her mood. She wouldn't allow it.  
Thank God she hadn't moved to the suburbs like her sister Zelena because then she would have to get up at least two hours earlier and she really needed her beauty sleep.  
Not to mention that she was a city girl through and through.

When she arrived at the office about twenty minutes later Zelena was already there, looking as radiant as ever, much to her annoyance.  
How Zelena managed to do that day after day was beyond Regina, especially considering the fact that Zelena also had a baby that was only a few months old.

„Morning, sis“, Zelena chirped and handed her a mug of freshly brewed coffee.

„How's my little niece today?“, Regina asked instead of a greeting because Zelena was well aware that she wasn't really a morning person. And yet she couldn't stop the smile from spreading on her face at the thought of the little baby.

„She's fine. Robin will stop by with lunch later so you might get to see her if your schedule isn't too busy“, Zelena answered and Regina sighed because she had to be in court in an hour and she doubted that she would be back in time.

She didn't mind that she would miss out on talking to Zelena's idiot of a husband though. She really could do without that.  
And then she remembered that she also had an appointment with her least favourite client, Robert Gold, in the afternoon.  
It wasn't that she disliked the man, but he surely was her most complicated client and working out the marriage contract for his recent wedding had really tested her nerves.  
She got it, the man was ridiculously wealthy, but his demands had been a tad on the crazy side, even for her and Regina usually was extra cautious with things like that anyway.  
Thankfully Gold and his new, much younger, wife would leave for their honeymoon soon and she would get a bit of a break from that man for a while.  
He might be one of their most lucrative clients, but that didn't mean Regina looked forward to seeing him. She didn't even put up with Gold and his antics because of the money in itself but because she respected him for what he had accomplished. Robert Gold might look harmless with his limp and his cane, but his brain was sharp and he had a rare talent for striking business deals no one else could.

„Can you double check with Leroy about picking up daddy? I wish I could do it myself, but I'm afraid I won't be able to make it to the airport in time“, Regina looked at her sister expectantly.

Zelena nodded, „I will. Don't worry about it, Regina. Dad will be fine. And it's not like he can't afford a cab.“  
She chuckled at the statement, but Regina only glared at the redhead that was her sister, causing Zelena to raise her hands in surrender, „I will check in with Leroy. I swear.“

„Thank you.“  
After that Regina disappeared into her office and let herself fall into her chair.

It was the first time they would see their father since their mother had passed away in March.  
Henry had taken the loss of his wife really hard and, of course, Zelena had struggled a lot because she had always been closer to Cora while Regina had always been a daddy's girl.  
She was to this day.

Ever since her mother's death Henry was travelling to all the places they had planned on visiting one day, but had never managed, his and Cora's wedding picture right in his jacket pocket.  
Regina had made fun of her father when he had told her about his plans, but secretly Regina longed for a love like that.  
A love that could outshine everything.

It wasn't that Regina was unhappy with her life.  
How could she be?  
She came from money, old money, and really didn't have to worry about a thing. She could afford anything her heart desired, and more, and on top of it her and Zelena's law firm was even more successful than she herself had ever hoped for.

Great-Grandfather Mills had married a Baroness and had made a small fortune with his hotels, grandfather Mills had doubled it and had made an even bigger fortune on the stock market due to some clever investments and her parents had turned the luxury hotels into a worldwide business that was now run by Graham Hunter, the executive director Cora Mills herself had put in charge when Regina and Zelena had shown no interest in taking over the business.  
Graham had proven to be trustworthy and capable over the years and Regina had been relieved that her parents had allowed them to choose their own path.  
For the most part at least.

Cora and Henry Mills had always been proud of their daughters and they had always encouraged them to be strong and independent women, but Regina was well aware that it had pained them that neither her nor Zelena had shown any interest in the family business, but in the end they had understood that they couldn't force them to take over as it wouldn't make anyone of them happy.  
And so Regina and Zelena had built the law firm from the ground while the hotels still made them a fortune of their own. There really was nothing to worry about when it came to their finances.

All in all Regina and Zelena had always been lucky.  
But unlike Zelena, who had married a gym and archery teacher of all people, Regina was single.  
Ever since she had broken up with her longtime partner Mal about three years ago she hadn't had anything close to a relationship.  
Of course, she had gone on a few dates here and there, but nothing had come of it as no one had really picked her interest.  
And Regina had been too busy as well, her schedule always full.

She didn't know what Zelena saw in Robin, but she was still a bit envious because her sister had found someone who loved her truly. And whom Zelena loved just as much.  
Robin wasn't in it for the money either because he didn't have the first clue who Zelena was when they had first met during one of Zelena's trips to Great Britain.  
He was a bit too dense for Regina's liking, a simple man, but he was kind and decent and good-hearted.

And then there was her little niece Ivy.  
Regina adored the baby, but seeing the little bundle of joy also reminded her time and time again that she was missing out on so much.  
She didn't even want to have children, she never had, which had been part of the reason why her relationship with Mal had come to an end.  
Because unlike her Mal had wanted a child more than anything.

Truth be told Regina could do with a little love in her life.  
She was 39 years old and she longed for someone to come home to, but she was also well aware that the situation wouldn't change anytime soon.  
And so she finally grabbed the folder that was lying in front of her on her massive mahogany desk.

There might not be enough love in her life, but there was definitely enough work.


	2. Lady in red

**„T** hank you for your time, Regina. I know it was short notice, but as you know Belle and I are leaving for Australia the day after tomorrow.“  
Gold grabbed his cane and stood, his trademark maniacal giggle echoing through her office.  
It made Regina's skin crawl every single time.

„Yes, yes. I'm well aware, Robert. Are you still planning on staying there for a while?“, she managed to sound interested when in truth she really couldn't care less after her half-day in court had been such a headache.

„Oh yes. Belle wants to spend some time with her family and friends. Not that I can blame her. They are very nice people. And I'm so lucky I have her. I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy“, Gold answered, his expression sincere.

Regina had trouble to keep in the frustrated sigh that was on her lips, begging to be let out. It wouldn't be polite though so she forced herself to nod instead, „Of course.“  
She cursed inwardly while she watched Gold limp towards the door.  
Even that old imp had found a wife. Number five in fact. Blood young and beautiful too. A little on the naive side maybe, but definitely a decent young woman, who seemed to truly care for the man.

Gold was reaching for the door handle, but turned around at the last moment, „I'll see you tonight?“

She nodded once again, „Of course, Robert. My father will be there too.“

„Excellent.“

\-------------

An unannounced visit from one of her clients, who had needed „urgent“ legal advice had Regina running late and she was furious because it had made her miss dinner with her father.  
She felt like punching someone because the impromptu meeting was nowhere near a matter of life or death and she suspected that Sidney Glass had rather come to see her than anything else.  
That idiot was really grating on her nerves because she had told him a hundred times that she was gay, but his advances never stopped.  
So far she had been secretly amused, but today she had really wanted to smack him.  
She hadn't seen her father in months and he would probably leave again before she had time to have a proper conversation with him.

She had barely managed to go home to shower and change without being impossibly late, but apparently, she shouldn't have worried because Zelena, Robin and her father weren't there yet either.  
Oh well.

While she stood in front of the gallery, waiting, Regina caught sight of a blonde woman in a red tube dress that fit her like a glove.  
She couldn't really see the woman's face, but what she had seen so far looked quite promising.  
When she realized that said woman entered the gallery a smile spread on her face.  
Maybe she wouldn't spend the night alone for a change.

\-------------

Regina hugged her father as tight as she could manage without choking him as soon as he arrived and she wished that she wouldn't have to let go again.  
His eyes sparkled with mirth and it was so good to have him home.

Now that they were standing in front of the paintings that were on sale to help children of refugees to get proper education Regina was trying to spot the mystery woman from before, but it seemed she was out of luck.

Zelena and Robin had gone to the bar to get them all drinks and Henry had decided to mingle for a while, leaving Regina to „fend“ for herself, but before she could take advantage of the situation Robert Gold headed towards her, together with his wife.

„Regina, good evening!“  
Belle greeted with a huge smile and Regina wanted to roll her eyes at the enthusiasm of Gold's young wife, but she knew better than that. She had been raised better than that.

„Belle. Robert. It's good to see you.“  
Gold nodded in greeting, „Likewise, Regina.“  
His eyes were searching the room for someone or something and it irritated her. Gold must have noticed her confusion and added, „Did I mention that my goddaughter is in town? She's a biologist and quite a great one at that. She's studied at...“

Regina was about to say something because she had never heard of a goddaughter before, but right that moment the mystery woman appeared next to Gold, „She's right here. So you can stop bragging, uncle Robert.“

She looked at Regina and held out her hand, „I'm Emma.“

Regina took the offered hand and shook it, her eyes meeting sparkling green ones, „And I'm delighted.“

Gold chuckled in amusement, „My, my, Emma. Now, look at you! I'd say you've made quite the impression on Regina. She's my lawyer by the way.“

Emma eyed Regina closely for a moment before she laughed out loud and Regina looked at her in confusion.

„I'm sorry“, Emma stated, „I was just wondering whether I should stay out of trouble or get into it...since you are a lawyer and all.“

\-------------

Gold had talked to Emma for a couple of minutes after that before he and his wife excused themselves and Regina had taken the opportunity to take Emma in properly.  
Toned legs, toned arms, a quite well-defined body from what she could tell and a mane of blonde locks.  
Yes, she easily was her type.

Emma's face was exquisite and from what little Gold had said she wasn't only good looking, but also smart.  
Beauty and brains.  
Definitely her type.

But the longer Regina looked at her the more she realized that what really drew her in were Emma's soulful green eyes.

„So, you're uncle Robert's lawyer, huh?“

Emma's voice pulled Regina out of her thoughts and she felt slightly embarrassed for not paying more attention.

„That I am, dear. That I am.“

„Isn't that like...a fulltime job on its own?“, Emma joked and added, „I don't expect you to answer that.“

Regina laughed, „He's keeping me quite busy, but that's okay.“

Emma nodded, „Well, it was nice meeting you, Regina.“

Regina knew she had to make her move and she had to make it now, „Let me buy you a drink?“

Emma seemed to consider it for a moment before she answered, „I'm flattered, really, but I'm afraid I have to decline. I have to be at the airport in a couple of hours.“

„I see. Work trip?“, Regina tried to prolong the conversation and she knew it.

Emma, of course, had realized it too, „No. I've been here to help out a friend and colleague to prepare an excursion. I'm going home.“

Regina didn't know why, but she felt like somebody had slapped her. So Emma wasn't living in the area.  
„Maybe next time.“

Emma took a step closer and met her hopeful gaze, „Listen, Regina. I'm. Uh. You are a stunning woman, alright? And I can tell that you're smart and ambitious. To make it short. I have a feeling that you are pretty damn awesome. But here's the thing. I usually don't come here. It really was an exception. Chances are we'll never see each other again. And I'm not a girl for one night either.“

She leaned forward and kissed a dumbfounded Regina on the cheek, „Goodbye, Regina. I mean it when I say that it was a pleasure to meet you.“

And then Emma turned around and left while Regina tried to process what the hell just happened.


	3. Unexpected

**R** egina left the charity event not long after her encounter with Emma, her mind reeling.  
She felt like she had suffered a terrible loss, which was utterly ridiculous since she had known Emma for about ten minutes.  
Literally.

And yet she was starting to feel miserable, albeit subtly, in a way she had never experienced before.

_„Chances are we'll never see each other again.“_

It had sounded so final and the words were echoing in her mind over and over again and it made Regina wonder how Emma could be so sure.

She thought about calling Gold in the morning to ask him for Emma's contact information for a moment, but that would be highly unprofessional, wouldn't it?  
Besides, if Emma would have wanted to stay in touch she would have said so or given her the information herself.  
And so Regina went to sleep after a long and partially confusing day, an intriguing blonde with sparkling green eyes on her mind.

\-------------

Her mood was even worse than usual in the morning, but then her father showed up at the office with breakfast and announced that he would stay in town for a couple of weeks.  
The news of her father's prolonged stay were the best in forever, but Regina's heart was still a little heavy as a certain blonde kept invading her mind again and again.

Maybe her sour mood would give her an advantage in court later today at least.  
She had almost made the lawyer of the adverse party cry the last time, she might as well succeed this time.

\-------------

It was close to 8 pm when Regina finally returned to the office, starving.  
God, she was exhausted, hungry and in a bad mood, but when she caught sight of her secretary she sighed heavily.  
The only reason Kathryn was still at the office was that some client was there to see her about a last-minute consultation or some other emergency.  
And here she had thought that the day couldn't get any worse.

„Where?“

Kathryn smiled apologetically, „Conference room.“

Regina nodded, „Go home, Kat. It's late. I've got this.“

Her secretary, and friend, eyed her closely, „Regina, are you sure?“

„Positive.“

It was Kathryn, who nodded this time, „Good night, Regina. Don't stay too late.“  
But Regina was already out of earshot, mentally preparing herself for what would probably turn into an all-nighter.  
As soon as she opened the door to the conference room she stopped dead in her tracks though.

„Emma! What are you doing here?!“

„Hi“, the blonde smiled shyly, „Surprise!“

When Regina didn't answer Emma cleared her throat, „Uncle Robert told me where to find you. My...uh...one of my flights got cancelled, so I decided to stay a day longer instead of a crazy layover time and being stuck in an airport, waiting. I hate that.“

Regina nodded in understanding, but remained cautious, „Is there a reason why you are here?“

Emma smiled sheepishly, „Well, I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me?“

She took a moment to think about it because all day Regina had tried to reach a point of acceptance when it came to Emma. All day she had tried to tell herself that she would apparently not see her again and yet here she was.  
But this was her chance, wasn't it? Probably even her only one.

„Actually, dinner sounds fantastic. I'm starving“, she said at last and the smile that appeared on Emma's face was nothing short of blinding.

\-------------

Emma wasn't 100% comfortable in her black slacks, white button-down shirt and matching black blazer, nor was she too fond of her black heels, but she had come for a work-related project and she had wanted to look presentable then.  
And in regards to Regina, she had thought it would be better to dress „properly“ than to show up in a pair of worn jeans and a pullover, which had been the only other choice, as well.

Regina had yet to say something, but at least she was smiling, so that had to be good, right?  
Emma wasn't sure why she had come to see her, but when she had learned that her second flight had been cancelled due to some issue at her home airport she had taken it as a sign.  
And so she had talked to an employee of the airline and had changed her flight and the day of departure to tomorrow.

She had been honest last night, her and Regina would probably never see each other again, but she had gotten this opportunity to get to know the stunning lawyer now and she couldn't bring herself to miss out on it a second time.  
There was something about Regina that had her captivated and she was truly sad that it wouldn't go anywhere, couldn't go anywhere, but her life simply didn't provide many opportunities to date.  
She loved her life, she wouldn't trade it for anything, but Emma wished she wouldn't have to live it alone at times.  
She longed for someone to share it with, all the while perfectly aware that it would most likely never happen.

„What are you in the mood for?“, Regina asked and Emma looked at her in confusion, which Regina apparently found amusing.

„Food?“, Regina offered, „You mentioned dinner and I'm really starving. So, what are you in the mood for? Sushi, Chinese, Mexican, Italian, Indian. Something else?“

„Oh“, Emma blushed slightly in embarrassment, „I'd love to have some pasta if that's okay with you.“

Regina nodded, „More than okay. And I happen to know quite the place. Follow me.“

It was only then that Regina saw the small suitcase next to Emma and it hit her once again that they were on borrowed time.

\-------------

The drive over to the trattoria was silent because Regina wasn't quite sure what to say.  
Apparently, neither was Emma.

Ironically enough Regina's favourite Italian place belonged to one of Robin's best friends from the archery club.  
John, or Little John as everyone used to call him, had only opened up last year, but their homemade pasta really was to die for.

John greeted them himself and got them a table in a secluded and quiet area because he knew that Regina preferred to eat in peace. He also announced that his wife Giulia was running the kitchen tonight which pleased Regina even more because the Italian woman was an amazing cook.

Once the drink orders were out of the way Regina studied Emma instead of the menu, „May I ask how old you are? Aren't you a bit young to be a full-blown biologist already?“

Emma only shrugged, „I have a doctor in Biology actually. Skipped a class or two back in the day. Not my fault I'm smart. But I'm not that young either. I'm turning thirty in October.“

Regina was truly impressed, but it hit her all of a sudden that there was more than just distance separating them, there was the age difference too. Why she hadn't thought of that already yesterday she didn't know.  
„Forty next February“, she admitted weakly.

Emma only smiled at her, „You look quite fine for your age then. I thought you were younger.“

„Thank you.“  
Regina was surprised by the sincerity in Emma's eyes.

A waiter appeared right then, put the ordered bottle of water on the table, opened it and filled their glasses.  
Once he was gone John arrived with some appetizers and told them about the day's specials, but Regina shrugged, „Tell Giulia to surprise me.“

He nodded and turned to Emma, who gestured towards Regina, „What the lady said.“

„Very well“, John smiled at them both, „Any allergies or dislikes?“

Regina and Emma both shook their heads 'no' and he left with an even bigger smile on his face.  
He had no clue who the woman was, but he had a feeling that it could be the beginning of something amazing.  
Regina had never brought anyone here before except for her father or her sister, but tonight she looked almost radiant.  
He had watched the two women for a minute before he had come to take their orders and his intuition told him that, based on the way the two of them kept looking at one another, they had the potential for greatness.

\-------------

„Big party?“, Emma asked after John had left them to head to the kitchen and it was Regina's turn to look at her in confusion.

„For your birthday next year“, Emma explained, „Are you going to have a big party?“

„Probably“, Regina sighed and it sounded almost defeated, „Zelena, my sister, insisted on planning it and she has a tendency to go a little overboard at times.“

„Only shows that she loves you.“

Regina shrugged, „I guess. How about you? Celebrating for three days in a row?“

Emma waved off, „Nah. I'll probably be busy with work. And if I'm not I'll read a book.“

Regina didn't know what to make of that answer and her curiosity rose tenfold, „So, what is it that you are doing exactly?“

Emma laughed, „Do you really want to talk about work?“

„Not precisely, no, but I do wonder what kind of job makes it impossible for someone to come back to San Francisco“, Regina admitted.

And there it was. The question Emma didn't know how to answer. The one she had wanted to avoid, to begin with, because her life, well, Regina would never understand.  
„It's not so much my work, but my life in general, Regina. It's so very different from yours.“

Regina wanted to ask more questions, but then the food arrived and she decided to save the topic for later.

\-------------

Conversation over dinner had been light and had flowed smoothly, much to Regina's relief.  
Emma had joked about Robert Gold and his countless failed marriages, impersonating his former wives and Regina had to admit that she hadn't laughed so much in forever.

Emma had also told her that she hoped Belle would be different, that she would be the one to stay because she was Robert's first decent and kind wife and that Regina should kick him in the ass for her if he would screw it up.

Regina had shared some of the stories about her parents and how ridiculously in love they had been until the very end and Emma had been truly touched by every single tale, claiming that a love like that was nearly impossible to find, to which Regina had agreed.

Over tiramisu, Emma had revealed that her father had saved Gold's life once when he had been in a car accident about 31 years ago. Her father had freed him from the burning vehicle, risking his own life, and they had become friends after that. The only reminder of the accident was Gold's limp as his knee had been smashed.

Emma had also told Regina that her parents had been a bit of an odd couple. Her mother a teacher, her father a fisherman.  
They clearly had loved one another, but her father had been gone a lot. Gold though, once he had been chosen as her godfather, had visited quite often.  
Her parents had died fairly young when Emma had been thirteen. They had been on a boat trip together for their wedding anniversary when they had gotten into a nasty storm. Parts of the boat had been found a couple of days later, but her parents' bodies had never been found. They had been declared dead eventually.

„That's horrible. I'm so sorry“, Regina squeezed Emma's hand, hoping the gesture would offer some comfort.

„It's alright. I don't know why I even told you that. Surely you hear enough sob stories at work every day“, Emma smiled weakly, „Sorry for killing the mood.“

„Nonsense. And you are not my client, Emma. I'd love to hear anything you are willing to share.“

It was Emma, who squeezed Regina's hand this time, „Thank you. The same goes for you.“

Regina nodded, „Can I ask you something?“

„Yeah, sure.“

„Where did you live after your parents...“, Regina didn't dare to finish the sentence and she was a bit irritated by her own behaviour because usually, she tore into people no matter what, consequences be damned.  
Then again, as she had stated only a moment ago, Emma was not a client. Emma was not her friend either and she didn't know that ruthless side of her.

To her surprise, Emma smiled at her before she answered, „Our neighbours, Granny and her granddaughter Ruby, who is my best friend to this day, took me in. Gold helped financially and I'll be forever grateful for that.  
Ruby's mom left when she was little and her dad died in a fire when she was three. So we have something in common more or less. It created a bond that will never be broken.“

Regina nodded in understanding. It was then that John showed up with the bill and Emma snatched it from Regina's hand before she could so much as blink.

„I asked you to dinner, I'm paying for it.“  
Emma sounded so sure of her self and Regina knew that there was no arguing about it.

She watched Emma hand John some bills and smile triumphantly and blushed when Emma caught her staring.

„You can buy me dinner next time“, Emma added with a wink before she realized what she had just said and froze.

Regina held her breath, not sure what to say and scared that if she did say something, well, that it would be the entirely wrong thing that would make Emma jump up and run for the hills.

„Uhm. I mean. In case the miracle were to...to happen. And we would be in. In the same place again. One day. And if you wanted to...obviously“, Emma rambled, a little overwhelmed by the whole situation.

Regina nodded, „I get it.“


	4. A moment in time

**E** mma walked Regina to her car to get her suitcase when realisation finally hit Regina, „When does your flight leave?“

„Around eight in the morning“, Emma answered simply, „I’ll just take a cab to the airport and wait till they let me check in.“

Regina fished her cell phone out of her purse to see what time it was, „It’s barely eleven. That’s at least seven hours before you can do that!“

Emma shrugged as if it wouldn’t be a big deal although she had told Regina earlier that she hated layovers and being stuck in airports, „That’s fine, really. Maybe I can get a bit of a shut eye since I have a hard time sleeping on planes.“

Regina’s eyes went wide, „You want to sleep in one of those uncomfortable seats at the airport?! Absolutely not!“

„I’ve slept in places less comfortable, believe me“, Emma joked, but Regina shook her head vehemently, „Get in the car, Emma.“

„Regina…“

„Get in the car!“  
Regina’s tone made it unmistakably clear that it wasn’t up for discussion and so Emma did as she was told and they drove off into the night.

\-------------

„Do you want a glass of the best apple cider you’ve ever tasted?“, Regina asked once they entered the luxurious penthouse she called her home.

If Emma hadn’t been sure before that they were worlds apart, well, she was now.  
And not only distance wise.  
„Sure.“

Regina led her into the living room, „Please, make yourself at home. I’ll be right back.“

\-------------

When Regina returned, two tumblers filled with amber liquid in hands, Emma was standing at the large floor-to-ceiling window, taking in the breathtakingly beautiful view all over the heart of San Francisco.

Regina studied her for a moment, taking in the sight that was far more beautiful than the view.  
The sight of Emma standing in her penthouse as if she would belong there.

It allowed Regina a glimpse at the future they obviously wouldn’t have and it thrilled and pained her at the same time.

Emma felt Regina’s eyes on her, but she didn’t dare to turn around, afraid of what she would see.  
She wished that she could just stay there, right in this moment, forever, but it was impossible.  
Regina’s world wasn’t hers and she would never be happy in it, not in the long run, as Regina never would be happy in hers.  
Emma knew that without a doubt and if Regina ever found out where she lived she would understand it too.

\-------------

It had taken Emma another five minutes to turn around and take a seat on the couch.   
Regina had already been sitting there and Emma had made sure to keep a respectable distance between them, but their fingers had brushed for a second when she had taken the glass of cider from Regina.  
The simple touch, albeit short, had left her skin tingling and if Regina’s rather helpless attempts to find something to do with her hands had been any indication then Regina had felt it too.

„I can drive you to the airport in the morning“, Regina offered after a while of heavy silence.

Emma waved her off, „That’s really not necessary.“  
She was secretly panicking because saying goodbye to Regina would be hard enough as it was, but if Regina would take her to the airport it would be pure torture.

„It would be my pleasure“, Regina reassured and somehow Emma felt defenceless.

„Okay.“

\-------------

Emma caught sight of a photograph of Regina and another woman and Regina told her how she had met Mal while she had been in Law School in Harvard.  
How she hadn’t liked her at first, how Mal had stayed around anyway, how they had become friends.  
How it had taken her quite some time to come to terms with her attraction to women, to being gay and how her family had been surprisingly supportive, even her mother. How she had kissed Mal while she had been drunk at some college party.

She told Emma that they had been really good together and that it had been hard to let go in the end, but that it had been the right thing to do because they had wanted completely different things in life.

It was the moment Emma accepted that there was no hope for her and Regina because Mal had „only“ wanted a family while Emma led a completely different life. Mal and Regina were in the same city to this day, Mal was a businesswoman with a successful career like Regina and they engaged in the same social circles and it still hadn’t worked out, hadn’t been enough.

Emma on the other hand, well, all she had to offer was her heart.  
And for someone like Regina that would never be enough.

\-------------

Emma changed the topic then and asked Regina about a painting of an endless beach, which she had spotted when she had entered the living room earlier.  
The question had Regina gush about her favourite vacation place, The Maldives, for quite some time.

When Regina asked where she usually went to if she was in need of a vacation Emma admitted that she basically never went on one.  
Regina looked pretty scandalized and Emma had to assure her that it wasn’t that she couldn’t afford it, but that she chose not to go because she simply was the most content when she was at home.  
It clearly wasn’t the answer Regina had expected and it made her wonder what Emma’s everyday life looked like even more.  
And yet, for some reason, she didn’t dare to ask because she was sure that she was in no position to compete with it.

Regina was a little too overwhelmed for her liking so she got up, using all her willpower not to start pacing right in front of Emma, „I’m going to change into something a little more comfortable. I’ll be right back.“

Emma looked after her, her eyes filled with worry.  
It hadn’t stayed unnoticed to her that Regina had become awfully tense all of a sudden.  
How could a woman, who had been a stranger to her only yesterday, be so important to her already?  
Why did she worry so much, give all of this so much thought?

Deep down she knew the truth because it was simply undeniable.  
If the circumstances would be different whatever it was that was between her and Regina could go somewhere.  
She was certain of it.

\-------------

When Regina returned she was wearing black yoga pants and a simple, black long sleeved shirt and she seemed more collected than a couple of minutes ago.  
She held a crystal decanter in hand, cider no doubt, and poured each of them another glass.

To Emma’s surprise she sat down on the other side of the couch this time, but when Regina leaned against the armrest and put her legs up as well she realised Regina hadn’t done it to distance herself, but to get more comfortable.

Regina watched Emma closely as she copied her position on the other side, their legs now touching, to two of them facing one another.

„It’s so easy to talk to you“, Regina stated the obvious and took a sip of cider.

Emma only nodded and drank as well.  
What the hell was happening?

„I’ve never met anyone like you, Regina. I’ve never clicked with someone like that. Ever. No matter what happens, I want you to know that. I’ll always treasure this moment in time“, Emma confessed in the end and took a big gulp of cider.

Regina met her gaze then because she needed Emma to see that she was serious, „So will I.“

\-------------

They didn’t talk anymore after that, they just sat in the dim lit living room, enjoying each other's presence and the silence.

It was around 2 am when Regina drifted off to sleep and Emma felt secretly „relieved“.  
She studied the peaceful expression on Regina’s face for a minute and she knew that she would take a cab to the airport or she would never leave.  
And she had to, there was no way around it.

\-------------

She had sat there for the next few hours, wide awake, her mind racing.  
It had felt as if she would be watching over Regina and Emma had caught herself wishing that she could do just that for the rest of her life more than once.

It was absurd, wasn’t it?  
And yet Emma knew, without a doubt, that leaving Regina would be the hardest and most painful thing she’d ever have to do in her life.

Emma finally got up around 5 am, careful not to wake Regina and sneaked out into the foyer.  
She caught sight of Regina’s purse and while she hated doing it, she opened said purse and found an already opened envelope.  
She pulled out the pen she always carried in her jacket pocket, a graduation gift from Robert, and scribbled something on it quickly before she put the envelope back into the purse.

She wanted to just leave, but then Emma decided to take one last glance at Regina because chances were that they would indeed never see each other again.

She took the woollen blanket that was resting on one of the cupboards on her way back to the living room and covered Regina’s sleeping form before she put a featherlight kiss to her forehead.

Regina’s lips formed into a smile as Emma’s lips barely touched her skin and Emma held her breath for a solid minute, but Regina never woke.  
And so she grabbed her suitcase and snuck out of the penthouse into the early morning light.


	5. Worth the risk?

**R** egina stirred because of her ringing cell phone.  
Her back was hurting and she didn’t understand why.  
It was only when she managed to blink her eyes open fully that she registered where she was.  
Couch.  
Living room.

And then the memories of last night came rushing back like a tsunami.

Emma.

Emma, who had waited for her in the conference room. Having dinner together at John’s trattoria.  
Their conversations.

Emma!

She jumped up and searched for her phone hectically.  
When she finally found it, in the kitchen no less, and checked the time her heart sank.

8.15 am.

_“My flight leaves around eight.“_

No, no, no.

Regina knew, even without checking her penthouse, that Emma was gone.

\-------------

She was at the office early for a change because she had gotten showered and dressed on autopilot and in record time, the thought of spending more time than necessary in her home, the home Emma had been in just a couple of hours ago, unbearable.

That was the reason she was early.  
And her being early was the reason why Zelena knew right away that something had to be wrong.

„Who died?“  
Her sister’s humour really could use some improvement.

„No one“, Regina growled and Zelena raised her hands in surrender, „Okay then. I’ll get you some coffee, sis.“

As soon as Zelena was out of her office Regina sighed heavily.  
She felt numb.  
Well, that wasn’t entirely true.  
She did feel something and that something was anger.  
God, she was so angry.  
At everything, everyone. At herself.  
Angry that Emma had left without a word. Angry at the universe for keeping them apart. Angry at herself that she had fallen asleep. That she hadn’t woken up.  
Angry that she felt so lost now that Emma was gone.  
As if Emma had taken a part of her with her.

And wasn’t that ridiculous?  
They barely knew one another. They had only spent a couple of hours together, nothing more.  
One dinner. One evening of honest and good conversation.  
That was all they had.  
A moment in time as Emma had said last night.  
It wasn’t nearly enough and yet it was all that mattered.

\-------------

Regina had caved around noon.  
First, she had tried to google Emma, but since she didn’t know her last name it hadn’t gotten her anywhere. Yes, she had found more than one Doctor Emma something, but none of them had been "her" Emma and Regina was pretty sure without more information about Emma she would possibly never find her.  
She didn’t know anyone’s last name, not to mention that she didn’t even know the first names of her parents nor Emma’s exact birth date. She didn’t know which university Emma had attended nor whether she lived in the US or not. She basically knew nothing and yet she felt as if she had known Emma all her life.

She had gone through all of the documents she had from Gold, but no mention of a goddaughter or where the accident Emma had mentioned had happened. She had tried to google that as well, but had come up empty once again.  
Granted, it had been 31 years ago and she knew that Gold hated to talk about it, so she wasn’t really surprised.

And so she had swallowed her pride, in the end, her professionalism and all consequences be damned, and had called Gold, who hadn’t even listened to her as he had been at the airport in Atlanta, boarding a plane to Australia, but he had mumbled something about giving her a call soon.

It dawned on Regina then that there was nothing she could do. Nothing, but waiting for Gold to call her back.  
Damn it!  
Patience really wasn’t her strong suit.

\-------------

She had almost bitten Zelena’s head off when her sister had tried to check on her in the afternoon and Regina felt horrible about it now, but the damage was already done.  
God, she was pathetic, wasn’t she?

A knock on her door pulled her out of her thoughts and Kathryn, who had fallen victim to her bad mood earlier as well, appeared in her office only mere seconds later, „Forgive me for interrupting, Regina, but I need that letter from Murphy’s lawyer. It has yet to be scanned.“

Regina nodded, opened her purse and pulled out the envelope wordlessly.  
She was about to hand it over to her secretary when she noticed that something was scribbled on it, certain that it hadn’t been her.  
But then she caught sight of Emma’s name and her heart skipped a beat.

When Kathryn reached for the envelope Regina pulled it back quickly and took the letter out of it, which caused Kathryn to eye her curiously.

„I wrote something on the envelope for another case. While I was driving home yesterday. I was. I was stuck in traffic. And I couldn’t find anything else to write on. And I didn’t want to forget it. The traffic light was about to turn green“, Regina rambled, which made Kathryn even more suspicious.

Regina never justified her actions and it wasn’t like she hadn’t done anything like that before, but Kathryn knew better than to point that out, so she just smiled, „No problem. I only need the letter.“

\-------------

She waited until Kathryn was out of her office, but as soon as the door fell close Regina grabbed the envelope with shaking hands, eager to find out what message Emma had left for her.

_Regina,_  
_I’m sorry that I didn’t wake you, but I’m terrible at goodbyes._  
_I don’t know if we’ll ever meet again, but I’d love to hear from you once in a while._

_Feel free to email me if you want._

_Take care,_  
Emma

There was an email address scribbled under the short message and Regina stared at it in confusion as it gave nothing about Emma’s identity away either.

An email address.  
A phone number she would have understood, but an email address?  
Should she even bother to send one?  
Of course, she wanted to stay in touch with Emma, she wanted to get to know her after all.  
Most importantly she wanted to see her again.  
But what if Emma was right and it would never happen?  
Wouldn’t it be even more painful then?  
To know her and not being able to be near her.  
Would it be worth it?  
Was there a point in holding on to whatever was between her and Emma?  
Would Emma be worth the risk and the potential heartache?

For some reason, Regina didn’t have to think about that last question.  
Of course, Emma was worth it, she was sure about that as crazy as it might have sounded.

She was about to open her email client when Zelena entered her office without so much as knocking, worry written all over her face, „Spill it, Regina. What’s wrong?“

„I just had a lousy morning. It’s nothing, really. I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier.“  
Regina hated to apologize, but this time she had to.

Zelena only shrugged, „We all have bad days, sis. But it seemed to be more than that. You sure you are okay?“

„I’m fine, I promise.“

„Alright then. Let’s go. We’re having dinner together. Kat is coming too and you are buying because you’ve been horrible to the both of us“, Zelena smirked triumphantly and Regina sighed.

She wanted to say ‚no‘, she wanted to tell Zelena to go to hell and leave her alone because she had an email to write, but Regina knew better than to do that, well aware that she would never get rid of her sister if she so much as tried that.  
Maybe dinner wasn’t such a bad idea anyway because it would provide some form of distraction until she could make up her mind about what to write to Emma in the first place.

\-------------

It was almost midnight when Regina walked through her front door, grumpy that the elevator to her penthouse seemed to be out of order. Good thing she did have a normal entrance as well.  
She was pretty sure that Emma must have left that way as well because the _ding_ of the elevator would have woken her up, Regina was certain of it.

She grabbed her laptop and took a seat on the couch, determined to send Emma an email before she would go to sleep, but that, of course, had sounded easier in theory than it was done.

Once she was logged into her private email account she added Emma’s address to her contacts and opened a new message.

_Subject: Hello Emma_

She deleted that only a second later. It sounded lame, didn’t it?

Regina felt absolutely ridiculous as she sat there and stared at the still empty message, debating on what to write into the subject box.  
At this pace, she would be done with that email in time for Christmas and that was still four months away.  
Did the subject really matter?  
Probably not.

_Subject: San Francisco calling_

_Dear Emma,_

_thank you for your note._

So far, so good.

_I’d love to stay in touch and get to know you better if that is something you want too._

Should she mention how disappointed she was that Emma hadn’t woken her up?  
Probably not.  
That wouldn’t do any good, now would it?

_Please let me know if you made it home safe and sound._

Wherever that was.

_I wish we would have had more time to talk. It’s been really nice to have you here._

_Take care as well,_  
_Regina_

Should she really send it?  
Was it too much? Not enough?  
Regina hated to be in doubt. She hardly ever was, she usually was a very confident woman, but there was something about Emma, something she couldn’t put her finger on, that made her question everything, even herself.  
And that was what made Emma so special. That she could get under her skin so easily without making her feel uncomfortable.

She held her breath while she clicked the ‚send‘ button at last and realized that it was almost one in the morning.  
Had she really needed an hour to write those few lines?  
She really was pathetic.

It was then that she caught sight of the woollen blanket and Regina couldn’t help, but smile.  
She was sure that she hadn’t covered herself with it which could only mean that Emma must have draped it over her before she had left and somehow that made Regina feel warm and cared for.

She ran her hand over it while she watched her laptop shut down and grabbed said blanket and took it to her bedroom with her.  
So she was pathetic, but in that moment Regina didn’t care.

Regina simply went into the bathroom for her nightly routine and snuggled into the blanket once she was lying in bed, feeling at ease.  
She didn’t know how or when, but she would make it happen. She would see Emma again, no matter what it would take.  
And with that determination, Regina fell asleep and she dreamt about a beautiful blonde woman with sparkling green eyes and a chance meeting that had the potential to change everything.


	6. Patience is a virtue

**T** hree days had passed since she had sent Emma an email and still no answer.  
She had even installed an app for her private email account on her cell phone so she would get a notification right away, but nothing.

Regina didn’t know what to make of the whole situation, but she was growing more and more restless with every hour that passed by.  
She had chastised herself for acting more like a teenager with a first crush than the badass lawyer she was on more than one occasion because she found herself to be pathetic.  
She was thirty-nine for heaven’s sake, not fifteen!

Normally it took her quite a while to warm up to people, but with Emma, everything had been different from the start.  
And it irritated her, to say the least.  
She was suspicious, some would even go as far as calling her paranoid, by nature and her job had made it ten times worse. Everyone had secrets and no one could be trusted, really, and yet she didn’t question Emma, who was a complete mystery to her.  
Maybe that was a mistake.

There was something about Emma though, something that had made her feel comfortable and safe from the moment Gold had introduced them.  
Being in Emma’s presence had made her feel something she had never felt before and now that she was gone it was almost as if life would have lost all colour, all meaning.

Needless to say that she didn’t sleep well lately, which had only darkened her mood further.  
She hated how Zelena and Kathryn looked at her with so much worry every day because nothing was wrong and at the same time everything was.  
Or at least nothing seemed to be right anymore these days.

\-------------

When Regina woke up the next morning, after another, mostly sleepless, night she considered calling in sick for a moment.  
The problem was that, although she really wasn’t in the mood to see anyone, she never called in sick and she knew, without a doubt, that if she did that Zelena would be onto her and an inquisition would follow.  
And she wasn't in the mood for that either.

Why she didn’t simply tell Zelena and Kathryn what was going on she didn’t know because Zelena was her sister and Kathryn had been her friend since she could remember, but for some reason she didn’t feel like sharing.  
She didn’t want to „share“ Emma.

And not because she thought Zelena and Kathryn would make fun of her, but if she said it all out loud it would make it real.  
There would be no more hoping, dreaming and denying and Regina was nowhere near ready for that.

She grabbed her cell phone from the nightstand to see what time it was and if anything work related had come in, but as soon as she pushed the home button and the screen came to life she saw that she had one new email.  
In her private email account no less and considering that she rarely ever used it, well, it could only mean one thing and her heart started to beat faster instantly while an unfamiliar warmth began to spread in her chest.

Her hand was shaking lightly and she took a deep breath before she finally tapped on the icon for her email app and then she saw it.

It was indeed a reply to her email.  
Emma had sent her a message!

_Re: San Francisco calling_

_Regina,_

_I wasn’t sure if you would get back to me, but I’m so glad that you did :)_  
_As you can see I made it home in one piece._

_I’m sorry it took me so long to reply, but work is crazy. There’s so much to do before the season starts and all I really want to do is_  
_sleep for 24 hours._  
I _might not be able to answer right away in case you want to keep „talking“ because I’ll be out and_ _about, so please, bear with me._

 _I want to apologise again for leaving the way I did, but I think it was better that way for the both of us._ _Or maybe it was just easier for me._  
_I truly hope you weren’t/aren’t too mad at me._

_Anyway, I’m really happy to hear from you because I’ve been thinking about you a lot._  
_It’s ridiculous, isn’t it?_  
_We only just met and yet . . ._

_Sorry for dumping all of this on you, I’m still half asleep and my filter isn’t working yet._

_I do have a question before I have to go._ _I couldn’t help, but take a look at your impressive book collection on the way out._  
_What’s your favourite book?_

_Sadly I have to go, but I’ll write again as soon as I can._  
_Have a nice day + weekend, Regina!_

_Take care,_  
_Emma_

 

Regina read the email twice more, but she still didn’t know what to make of it.  
She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but that wasn’t it.

The sender said Emma Snow, but she knew right away that it wouldn’t be Emma’s real last name.  
It most likely had to do with her parents because Regina recalled Emma mentioning her mother’s obsession with the Snow White fairytale.  
According to the time stamp of the email it had been sent at 4.32 am.  
And what did that mean, what did that really tell her?  
Absolutely nothing.  
So she had received the email in the early morning, but it could be evening where Emma lived for all she knew because time differences were a thing after all.  
And what had Emma meant by _before the season starts_? What season?  
That must have to do with some sport, right? But how did that make sense when Emma was a biologist?  
And what could keep someone too busy to answer regularly?

Regina had thought, if anything, keeping in touch with Emma would provide some answers, but the truth was that she had more questions than ever and she had reached a new level of confusion as well.

It was then that another thought hit Regina and it hit her hard.  
Was it possible that Emma was married? Had a child?  
Was that the life Emma couldn’t walk away from?  
Was that the reason she couldn’t come back?

It had to be something like that.  
Maybe Emma was stuck in a marriage, for whatever reason. And that was why she had only given her an email address and not her phone number.  
It was easier to hide a private email account than a second phone when you didn’t want to get caught.  
Getting caught doing what exactly?  
They hadn’t done anything wrong or salacious, they had just talked.

Why had Emma even mentioned that she was thinking about her a lot? Was that even true?  
And why so much honesty in that regard when, according to Emma, they were living in different worlds and chances were that they wouldn’t see each other again?

What did Emma even see in her?  
She was ten years older than her and a total snob most of the time while Emma seemed to be an incredibly decent, kind and down-to-earth person.

Regina went to take a shower, in hopes of clearing her mind in the process, because her mind was a jumble and her paranoia had kicked in with full force.  
She would go to work after all because now she was in desperate need of a distraction.  
And she also needed time to assert this bizarre situation and to decide whether she would answer Emma’s email at all.

\-------------

She gave in after two days of trying to talk herself out of replying.  
She really hadn’t wanted to at first because truth be told, Regina was not in the mood for any kind of game and she was sure that the reason for Emma’s secrecy had to be that Emma had a family or at least a husband. It was the only explanation that made sense in her head. What else could it possibly be?

But of course, in the back of her mind, her conscience had whispered that she could be wrong and it had kept nagging her, had kept her up at night and so she had caved in the end.

 

_Dear Emma,_

_I’m pleased to hear that you made it home safely._

_I do admit that I’ve been quite angry at you for not waking me up, but more than that I was disappointed_  
_that I didn’t get to say goodbye to you. There’s no point in holding a grudge though because there’s_ _nothing I can do about it now._  
_Answer me this though: why was it easier for you to just walk away?_  
_I know you said you aren’t good at goodbyes, but I’m not sure I understand._

 _If I’m really honest I didn’t want to reply to your email, but there is something about you, Emma._ _Something that draws me back in every time I decide to walk away, but then I think about you and that_ _night and I’m_  
_right back here, in front of my laptop, writing to you._

_I do have some questions of my own._  
_Are you married? Do you have children?_ _Is that why you are so certain that we’ll never meet again?_  
_And why do you want to keep in touch when we can’t see each other again anyway?_

_I’m too old for games, Emma._  
_And I’ll have you know, I’m not a very patient person either._

_Regina_

_Ps.: My favourite book, to this day, is „Mrs. Dalloway“ by Virginia Woolf._ _„The Hours“ by Michael Cunningham is a close second._

The email was sent on August 29 at precisely 9.37 pm.  
Regina didn’t expect a reply after Emma had been so evasive before when it came to her life and when there still was no answer two weeks later Regina finally gave up waiting.


	7. Growing confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _So, who wants to guess where Emma lives? ;)_

**W** hile Regina hadn’t expected an answer to begin with it still stung that Emma hadn’t bothered to say anything at all.

It had taken Regina a couple of days to pull herself together because she had felt lost and broken, but in the end her brain, her trustworthy and rational brain, had taken over because she had been sick of feeling so very miserable.  
She had felt so trivial and pathetic and it hadn’t been funny anymore.  
And so life had gone on.

But her heart was a different matter, of course.  
It longed for Emma in a way she couldn’t explain, couldn’t even understand, but what was she supposed to do?  
At the end of the day, she knew nothing about Emma and it was probably better that way.

So when Gold had finally called Regina had asked something about one of his business deals instead of Emma’s whereabouts.  
There was simply no point.  
She would get to a point of acceptance that she wouldn’t see or hear from Emma again and if it killed her.

And that was why it came as such a surprise to her when on September 23, at exactly 3.02 pm, while she was in a meeting with a client, her phone beeped all of a sudden, announcing an email in her private email account.  
What irritated her the most was the fact that it was is incredibly hard to keep focused on work, that it was so hard to fight off the urge to read the message right away.  
She was in a meeting for heaven’s sake!  
She was a professional and yet all she could think about was the unread email that was waiting for her.

\-------------

As soon as her client was out of the door she grabbed her phone and opened the message, feeling as giddy as a kid in a candy store.

So pathetic!

  


_Regina,_

_I’m terribly sorry that it took me so long to reply to your message.I just came in and I’m afraid I don’t have much time either, but I thought a short answer is better_ _than none._

_I left the way I left because I wasn’t sure I’d find the strength to leave if I had to look you in the eye._  
_But I had no choice, I really had to go home._

_No, I’m not married nor do I have children. I would have told you if that were the case._  
_But I do have my family here and it’s good to be back._

_No games, I swear._  
_And just because we might not see each other again doesn’t mean I don’t want to._

_I’m afraid I have to go, but I’ll be back on October 13. I’ll send you a proper message then in case you still want to talk to me?_

_The fact that you aren’t a very patient person makes all of this so much harder because with me you have to be._  
_So I’d understand if you didn’t want to hear from me again._

_Emma_

 

Regina stared at the screen for a long while, unsure once again what to make of Emma’s words.  
Everything was so cryptic and she was more confused than ever.  
Where had Emma been? Where was she going?  
And where was she to begin with?

And just because we might not see each other again doesn’t mean I don’t want to.

It echoed in her mind for the rest of the day.  
If they both wanted to see one another surely there had to be a way, right?

\-------------

Regina took her time in making a decision whether to answer Emma or not.  
Whether she still wanted to make the effort to get to know her, if she still wanted to stay in touch.  
In the end, she did email Emma because she simply needed to know.

Regina couldn’t find it in her heart to walk away because she wasn’t someone who quit when a situation became difficult.  
It wasn’t in her nature, she was a fighter. She had been all her life.

And while Regina wasn’t sure what the future held for any of them, she would try to make Emma a part of hers, in whatever capacity it would be possible.  
She blamed her traitorous heart in overruling her head once again, but if she was truly honest there was no decision to make.

 

_Dear Emma,_

_how are you?_  
_I started to write to you a couple of times, but never finished the messages. I’m sure it had something to do with me not knowing what to actually tell you._

_I do want to talk to you and I do want to see you again and what makes this so hard is not my impatience or your constant absence, but the lack of an explanation_ _why things are the way they are._  
_Why do you refuse to tell me where you live and what your life looks like?_

_I’m really trying to understand, but how can I when I have nothing to go on?_  
_I wish you would just tell me. I’m sure we could figure something out then._

_I’m looking forward to hearing from you soon, in case you do come back on October 13 and have time to answer me._

_I also realized that I never asked about your favourite book. Care to tell me now?_

_Regina_

\-------------

She was grateful that work was so busy and kept her distracted most of the time because otherwise, Regina would have gone crazy long ago.  
All the waiting around took a toll on her and she had bitten Zelena’s and Kathryn’s heads off more time than she cared to admit.  
She knew they worried and had shot down their every attempt at cheering her up or finding out what was going on because she had no idea what to tell them since she didn’t know anything herself.

She wanted answers, needed answers.  
With facts, no matter how bad and ugly, she could deal.It was her job, that’s what she did on a daily basis.

By now Zelena was watching her every move like a hawk every single day and Regina couldn’t even blame her. She would do the same if their roles would be reversed, but it didn’t mean that she wasn’t annoyed.  
She wished everyone would leave her in peace so she could figure all of this our by herself.

Regina also tried not to expect too much because Emma might take a while to reply. She wasn’t stupid and she knew that maybe she wouldn’t even get the response in time despite Emma’s promises, but to her big surprise, there was indeed a new email on October 13, at 2.21 pm.

 

_Regina,_

_I’m good, just incredibly tired. I’m also really sweaty and I definitely need a bath because I smell. Ugh!_  
_Sorry if that was too much information._

_Aside from that, all is well._  
_How are you?_

_I know that you have many questions and I know I should answer them all because that’s what you deserve. And if I wouldn’t be such a chicken I would, but the_ _truth is I’m scared that you’ll think me crazy if I tell you and that I’ll lose you for good._  
_I know it’s selfish of me, but I’d rather have this tiny bit of you than nothing at all._

_I wish we could figure something out, I really do, but as I said - life here is different._  
_Different in a way you probably can’t even comprehend._  
_We are worlds apart and I don’t mean the distance. Plus I can’t leave and believe me you’d rather walk over hot coals repeatedly than to visit me here._

_My favourite book is „The quality of silence“ by Rosamund Lupton by the way._  
_It might not be your cup of tea, but I love it very much._  
_I’ll try to get a copy of „The Hours“, but it might be a while._

_I do miss you, you know._  
_Emma_

 

Regina thought she had been confused before, but apparently, she had been wrong.  
Confusion didn’t even begin to cover it anymore.  
Why was Emma so afraid of telling her? She wouldn’t run for the hills just because Emma wasn’t living in a luxurious penthouse in a fancy part of San Francisco.  
It couldn’t be that bad.

Since Emma hadn’t mentioned anything about leaving again Regina thought it wise to answer right away. maybe she wouldn’t have to wait for a reply for weeks for once.

 

_Dear Emma,_

_a bath sounds like a lovely idea. It’s quite relaxing too, so stop complaining and draw yourself one. It’s not like it’s rocket science or anything._  
_And try to enjoy it, dear, I’m sure it’s well deserved._

_There’s nothing to be scared of, Emma. You can tell me. I won’t walk out on you just because you have a different life than me, I assure you._  
_Contrary to popular belief I’m not that superficial although Zelena would probably die laughing if she would hear me say that._

_Tell me this at least - are you within the US?_

_You say you can’t leave and I’ll take your word for it, but please don’t make assumptions about where I would or wouldn’t go._  
_Would visiting you even be a possibility?_

_Never heard of the book, but I’ll make sure to get a copy. Hopefully, I’ll find the time to read it too because work is quite busy at the moment._

_I miss you too._  
_Regina_

\-------------

She hoped and prayed that she would get an answer sooner, just this once because she needed to know and luck finally seemed to be on her side when a reply came only four days later.

 

_Dear Regina,_

_I need to help out a friend so I’m in a hurry, but yes, I’m in the US._  
_American through and through._

_It would be possible for you to visit if you really wanted to, but as I already said, I’m sure you wouldn’t like it here all that much._  
_Gotta run, talk soon!_

_Emma_

 

Regina’s heart was racing.  
Emma was living in the US and she could visit?  
She would make it happen because Emma might have her doubts, but Regina was sure it would be fine.  
She made a rather radical decision right then and there because what did they say?  
Go big or go home?

 

_Dear Emma,_

_please get back to me as soon as you can. I’ve planned to go to Bora Bora the first two weeks of January, but I’d rather go and see you._  
_If you want to see me as well that is._

_Regina_


End file.
